Boob Man Onesie
The doctor informed me that he needed to SEE my boob before he could prescribe antibiotics so I flashed my boob to a few strangers (he had to bring in a female assistant) to get my meds. Don’t they normally hand out antibiotics like candy? Wasn’t my 102 degree fever enough proof that something was wrong? It isn’t like you can get high off of antibiotics. Ugh whatever. I’ll give you a peep show Dr. Boob Man, just give me my antibiotics so I can stop feeling like crap. I’ve come to accept that my boobs are no longer my property.
After I got my prescription, Dr. Boob Man had me sign a document that stated that I understood that I shouldn’t breastfeed while I had mastitis. WHAT?! This is the second doctor to tell me that. The first was my primary – I say WAS because I stopped seeing her after that crappy advice. I informed Dr. Boob Man that you actually SHOULD breastfeed MORE with mastitis. It made me so sad to see such bad advice on their form but I signed it (after making sure that they knew that I WOULD continue to pump and feed my child) so I could get the heck out of there.
Mastitis sucks enough. Moms who are going through it don’t need to be discouraged from breastfeeding, especially if they were hoping to continue.
After only 2 days of being on antibiotics (while attempting to entertain a 6 month old from bed), I feel so much better. By the way, Logan ate my mastitis milk without issue (just like the past 2 times). My supply on the other hand has been giving me lots of issues. It tanked while I was sick and hasn’t recovered. Logan is eating up my freezer stash and I can’t keep up with him. I don’t want to take anything to help boost my supply because I’m so prone to mastitis and clogged ducts. So it looks like I’ll have to start supplementing with formula soon.
I have nothing against formula. I was formula fed and turned out just fine (or so I think). I think that moms just need to do what works for them. Pumping is what worked for us (most days).
I’m just sad that I didn’t have this beautiful breastfeeding relationship with my baby that I personally wanted and hoped for. I think in the back of my mind if I pumped and kept up my supply there would always be a chance to have that relationship. Nope. Just about every time I would attempt to nurse Logan he would refuse to latch or he would latch and start screaming a few seconds later. Nothing beautiful about that. We did that routine for 3 months before I finally just called myself an exclusive pumper.
I thought I would be ready to stop pumping when that time came. I thought I would be celebrating. Having a bonfire with my pump parts. Instead, I’m a little sad that it is coming to an end. A lot sad that we couldn’t get this whole breastfeeding thing to work. A little relieved that I won’t have to juggle my pump schedule anymore. But mostly glad that I was able to pump this long without losing my sanity.
