Photo credit: Green Apple Images
I think the only real time I ever liked my body, was even ok with my body, was when I was pregnant. Go figure that I would be the happiest with the way I looked when I was GAINING weight. I loved my bump. I loved how clothes fit me. I didn’t have to go through 10 outfits in the morning, debating which one made me look the thinnest. I was content being in my own skin, for the very first time.
I can’t remember a single time outside of pregnancy that I can say I was happy with the way I looked. Growing up, I was always sorta chubby and self conscious. I don’t think I ever shed those feelings, even at my thinnest. At a size 4, I just saw chubby and self conscious.
Having battled an eating disorder in college, I was a little anxious about gaining weight during pregnancy and having to weigh in at every.single.appointment. But it turned out to be okay. Maybe it was because my midwives empowered me to take control of my pregnancy and my body. They didn’t tell me to hop on a scale as they pushed the numbers around, trying to figure out just how BIG I was. They didn’t have to bump it up to the next level because OMG you are actually bigger than they assumed you were. I was able to weigh myself in. I took control of that number, instead of letting it control me.
For the first time, I learned how to respect my body during pregnancy. I worked out on a daily basis and I ate healthy. When I saw the pounds on the scale go up, I didn’t freak out, I knew my body was doing exactly what it should be doing. It was creating a baby, from scratch…holy amazing, batman! I can make a baby, what is your superpower? I was in awe, still am, of what my body is capable of. I trusted it, for the first time.
Now, I’m learning all over again how to respect and trust my body. This time not for a baby, but for myself. I know that Logan will learn how to respect (or not respect) his body from me, and lord knows that we can’t afford a therapy fund for him right now.
I do believe that I will be adding this song to my C25k playlist this week. If my knees can function this week, that is. I’m currently rocking a lovely scent of icy hot.
